


One Half Of A Whole

by MikeWritesThings (orphan_account)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Character Death, Do not read if currently emotionally unstable, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:27:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6412666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MikeWritesThings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>((NOT PAIRING CENTERED IN ANY WAH. TO BE INTERPETED AS YOU PLEASE.))</p><p>The worst thing you can do to a pair of twins is separate them.</p><p>Alfred can vouch for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Half Of A Whole

The worst thing you can ever do to a pair of twins, is separate them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One message from Natalia.

“ _Hey, Alfred. When are you going to pick up? I’ve called you a lot. I’m actually very worried. This doesn’t mean I like you, though. This is just me getting even since you were nice to me that one time._ ”

One message from Yong Soo.

“ _Oiii, da-ze! You haven’t been in English lit, I’m soooooo worried! Call back and we can totally play CoD! Later!_ ”

One message from Ivan.

“ _Fredka, today is your sixth day of isolation. You can not be gone forever, comrade. I know this. If you want to talk about it, I will try to listen, da? I won’t even punch you! We can be friends! Friends, comrades_!”

Delete. Delete. Delete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Together, always, all the time. Side by side. Hand in hand. Always hand in hand, until about the third grade, where they just kept to one another like glue, never leaving one alone for more than a few seconds. It's not like they were isolated--they were both perfectly content with working with other people and making friends. Just so long as they were in reach of each other, ready to grab onto one another in case a danger arose.

Alfred and Matthew Jones-Williams had been together all their life. In the womb, rolling around on the floor and crawling, at school, and at home. Did everything at the same time. If Matthew was sleepy, so was Alfred. If Alfred was hungry, so was Matthew.  

Hardly ever separated. And once they were back within each other’s sights, they wouldn’t let go again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred set down his backpack, taking out his notes as the professor droned on. His friend Yong Soo looked up from his own notes, a smile splitting his face, and he leaned over towards the blond, saying,

“Glad to see you’re back. How are you?”

“Great!” Alfred said cheerfully, extracting his notebook and splaying it across the table. While there was always the stereotype of the ‘dumb’ twin and the ‘smart’ twin, he was glad to say both he and Mattie seemed to be on the same level. Yong Soo was still smiling, though his eyebrows were drawn together and his eyes flashed.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Alfred smiled back at his friend reassuringly. Yong Soo didn’t drop his own smile either, and returned to taking his notes, but Alfred noticed that his handwriting steadily grew a bit shakier as he continued to do so. Alfred smiled to himself. He was okay. Yong Soo was silly to think he wasn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you messed with Matthew, you had to deal with Alfred.

Two boys in the third grade learned this quickly. Matthew was rather much quieter than Alfred, and instead of making him forgettable, it seemed to make him a target.

The boys pushed him to the ground at the playground the day before, and Alfred acted normally. He rushed over to his twin and helped him up, aiding him in brushing dirt off his shorts and straightening his shirt. Alfred didn’t even spare them a second look.

The next day, the boys were sent to the nurse at two different times. Both, for the same reason--they had been pushed down the stairs separately by an unknown person and sported mild injuries, but when they returned to class a few days later, it was met with Alfred’s hardened gaze and smile, while Matthew sat beside him, oblivious.

If you messed with Alfred, you had to deal with Matthew.

Third grade, and they both had baby fat--Alfred was just a bit chubbier. Several girls made snide comments about him at lunch, as well as a few boys, and by the end of the day, though he was still smiling, Matthew knew his twin well enough to see that he was hurt on the inside.

Report cards came. The girls and the boys all had failing grades, to their absolute shock. Matthew had chuckled to himself. It was very easy. All it required was a pencil, an eraser, and a daily pass indoors during recess to ‘read.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The days passed by for Alfred, who was steadily growing wearier about the mounting pile of homework that was growing. Yong Soo often joined him between classes to help him, occasionally with his cousin Kiku, but the pile of work was still huge and he thought he would be unable to complete it, ever.

Saturday mornings were usually devoted to spending time at the coffee shop two streets from his dorm, and that was where he was now, with a few assignments in front of him. Concentrating on his chemistry essay, he barely noticed someone sliding into the seat across from him until he heard a familiar voice say,

“Finals are going to be tough.”

“Oh, hi, Nat,” Alfred smiled with delight, looking up to see a girl with platinum hair pulled back in a lazy ponytail, already changed into her work uniform. She worked here on Fridays, Saturdays, and Wednesdays.

“Alfred,” She inclined her head, and though her tone was unusually light, her gaze was hard and hard to read. She was analyzing the blond, allowing her eyes to rake over his body and pass her judgement on him.

“You look well,” She said slowly after a minute or so, “Healthy. Happy.”

“It’s a great morning,” Alfred said, and it truly was--the autumn sunlight was filtering through the windows pleasantly and the cool breeze meant the hot season was quickly leaving them.

“I think so, too,” Natalia said, but her expression said otherwise. She leaned forward, eyes hard.

“You’re a fool.”

“Don’t know why you think that,” Alfred said, rolling his eyes and writing down an answer on his essay. Natalia looked like she wanted to say more, she probably would have, if her boss hadn’t called her to the register. Eyeing the blond like a hawk, she slowly got to her feet and approached the counter, prepared to do her job.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The summer before fourth grade, the twins decided it was high time for them to get their own haircuts.

At the barber, Alfred demanded that his hair be cut shorter than usual, so it wasn’t covering his ears. Matthew didn’t get his hair cut--instead, he let it grow over the summer.

When they returned to school, their old classmates could now more easily tell the brothers apart, and there were less times when a fellow peer accidentally called Matthew Alfred and vice versa.

Despite these new changes, despite the fact that they now looked a bit different from one another, they were still, always, together.

Never apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sundays were usually devoted to doing whatever he pleased, even if he had a mountain of homework, he set it aside so he could play Call of Duty with Yong Soo and Kiku and headed to the coffee shop to visit Nat during her work hours.

“Hello, Miss Lovely,” Alfred joked as he sidled into the shop, and it was most likely due to the fact that it stated in her contract she wasn’t allowed to that Natalia didn’t throw the steaming cup of cocoa she was holding at him. Next to her, stood her brother and sister, Ivan and Yekaterina.

“Hey there,” Alfred nodded to Ivan as he skipped about seven people in line so he could talk to them. Yekaterina took one look at him and burst into tears, turning and racing away.

“What’s the matter with her?” Alfred asked, feeling confused as the platinum-blond exited the shop.

“You’re the spitting image of Matthew,” Natalia said coolly, handing the coffee to her brother.

“Yeah, I’ve always been told that,” Alfred said, smiling, “I still think I’m the better looking one, though.”

“You can be as good looking as you please--the fact still stands that you are a sad, sad little fool.”

Natalia refused to speak to Alfred from then on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Alfred,” Matthew said on their ninth birthday. Alfred looked over at his twin, pausing the game. They were sitting, side-by-side, taking turns on a video game console they had just gotten that day.

“Yo, Mattie?” Alfred asked, grinning and reaching over to pat the top of Matthew’s head--something he did often.

“Well....A lot of kids have been talking about college and stuff,” Matthew said, looking at his brother, a look of sadness in his eyes, “And, I’ve been thinking...Mom always says that the friends you make in school won’t carry on into college…”

“Who needs friends when we have each other?” Alfred joked, wrapping an arm around his twin, but it was clear he was shaken about something; he shook Alfred’s arm off, a stricken look on his features.

“Look, Alfred, what if none of our friends stay with us when we do go to college? What are we supposed to do?” Matthew’s voice suddenly quieted, “What if we don’t stay together when we go to college?”

Alfred sat back, staring hard at his twin. Ocean blue met light violet, and Alfred suddenly understood. He scooted closer to his brother once more, taking his hand and grinning.

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. And I ain’t ever leaving you, you got that, Mattie?” Matthew nodded, and though his eyes were still a little sad, he smiled.

“Al and Matt, together….” Alfred said, grinning.

“...Always and forever!” They finished together. It was a corny and cheesy thing they had thought of in second grade, but it had stuck with them. And they still used it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes, Alfred liked looking at his appearance.

He and Matthew would always be ‘we’, always an ‘us’, forever a theirs, ours, together as one. One being. They were two halves that clicked together to form an entire being.

And yet sometimes, Alfred still liked looking at himself in the mirror and appreciating the fact that he looked a little different from his twin.

They had the same shaped face and eyes, and even the same shaped mouth, though it didn’t often look like it because Matthew’s was constantly drawn into a line with worry.

However, they did have their striking differences.

Matthew had snowy skin and light colored hair, violet eyes and a smaller demeanor. In no way weak, he was still somewhat smaller in muscle compared to his brother. A crooked nose due to the fact that he had broken it when playing hockey when they were seven; and usually dressed in flannel and jeans.

Alfred, was a different story.

He looked as if he belonged on the beach, a part of the sun of California--tanned skin and sandy hair, eyes the color of the sparkling ocean and constantly wearing t shirts and shorts. He had muscle that was hidden under a soft layer of...Not fat, but flesh. It gave him a pudgier look than Matthew, but his muscle made up for it. His nose was perky, as Matthew’s had been before it was broken.

Alfred looked over each and every one of these facts, noting the differences, and smiling at their likeliness.

Still a we.

Still an us.

Forever, together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In fifth grade, they got glasses.

In class, it became harder and harder to concentrate. Alfred couldn’t see what was directly in front of him and Matthew couldn’t see that far ahead. They both went to the eye doctor and were prescribed glasses.

This was another difference they had.

“Maybe we should wear the same glasses?” Matthew asked as he plucked a pair that looked suspiciously like 3D glasses. Alfred shook his head, examining large, square glasses that glittered with red, white, and blue rhinestones. His father snatched them from his hand, saying that they were for girls. Alfred didn’t care, he still thought he would have looked good in them.

“Nah, we just got everyone to stop mistaking us for one another. We should get different glasses!”

Matthew looked at a selection of them thoughtfully before nodding.

“Yeah! Let’s do it!”

In the end, they both got the glasses they wanted, and that seemed to become a part of their identity--Matthew, circular black glasses, and Alfred, dark blue rectangular shaped ones. Every time they broke a pair or needed new ones, they got the same ones, over and over and over again.

It became a part of who they were, together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred woke up, blearily blinking at the ceiling. He turned over, squinting at the alarm clock, but he did not have his glasses on, and barely made out the bright green numbers.

Eight in the morning. Decent.

Dragging himself out of bed, Alfred got dressed with enough time to tidy up his room, but for what, he didn’t know. He wasn’t normally this tidy--that was his brother’s job. He made his bed and set everything back in it’s proper place, and threw away the carton of staling noodles Yong Soo had left at his place the night previously.

He was just placing a discarded T-shirt into a basket of dirty laundry when someone pounded at the door. Curiously, Alfred opened it, and came face-to-face with a familiar someone.

“Awww, Iggy!” Alfred grinned, reaching out to ruffle the blond’s hair--however, he stepped back, huffing irritably.

“It’s Arthur Ignatius Kirkland, not Arthur Iggy Kirk-”

“Don’t care,” Alfred cut him off, but he was still smiling, “Why ya here?”

“I came to…” Arthur seemed strangely stiff, “...Check up on things?”

Harsh whispering came from a few feet to the left. Arthur’s expression changed to one of annoyance, and he growled something out of the corner of his mouth that Alfred couldn’t hear. Peeking his head curiously out into the dorm hall, he saw Francis standing there, back pressed to the wall, clearly trying hard not to be seen.

“Hey, Franny!”

“Bonjour, mon ami!” Francis said loudly, smiling guiltily and stepping forward to give Alfred a quick hug. Arthur looked uncomfortable.

“Are you holding yourself well?” Francis asked in that annoying ‘mom voice’ he used often. Alfred nodded, grinning.

“Yeah, I just finished cleaning, I got up pretty early today! Which reminds me, I actually have class really soon…”

“Of course, mon cher,” Francis said airily, placing his hands on Alfred’s shoulders and smiling, “Do not let us prevent you from getting to your studies!”

“Nah man, the hero is too awesome for that!”

And with that, Alfred bounded down the hall, completely forgetting to lock his door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Middle school was more difficult than they anticipated.

Al and Matt, together, always and forever….Right?

Wrong.

Never before had they not been in a class together--but with middle school came change, and with change came different classes. They had four out of seven classes together, as well as lunch. Gym, band, math and history...Together…

But reading and science and health were spent separated from one another, and by the end of the week, both brothers felt strange.

Never, before, in their entire lives, had they spent so much time away from each other. Three classes for five days, that was fifteen whole hours, and it seemed like a forever. They spent Saturday and Sunday entirely in each other’s presence, playing games and talking and they were, as they did years ago, holding hands once again, because it suddenly seemed as if life were playing a cruel joke on one another.

Two weeks of school passed and it was driving Alfred nuts.

What was happening to Matthew in those classes, the ones that he didn’t share with Alfred? What transpired? Did anybody hurt him? Did Matthew too worry himself sick about Alfred? These questions swarmed in his mind, and the normally energetic and peppy boy was hunched in the corner over his desk during these periods when Matthew was out of reach, out of touch.

The third week began, and their parents requested that he and his brother have every class together.

The principal was unwilling, at first, but Alfred and Matthew begged, saying that they were the same person, not two different people. She looked at them with pity and sympathy within her eyes, but whatever concerns she had, she did not voice them to their parents, because they all left looking happier than they had looked before.

School seemed much more manageable, excitable, fun now. They did their projects together and made friends together and did their homework together. It was just like elementary school, except they were older.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Here, da-ze, you can borrow my notes,” Yong Soo told Alfred when he rushed into class, because although he had left at a decent time, traffic had been terrible, and it’s difficult to walk to school enough as it is.

“You are a lifesaver,” Alfred whispered to the Korean as their professor droned on, clearly unaware of the fact that he was late, “I think I’m only passing this class because of you.”

Yong Soo smiled, though it seemed strangely humorless, “I can prove to Leon and Yao that Kiku isn’t the only smart one.”

“You’re a genius, man,” Alfred said truthfully, copying the notes down into his own notebook, thankful that Yong Soo’s handwriting was neat today--it often varied.

“Thank you,” Yong Soo’s voice was strange, as if he wasn’t putting any feeling behind his words, no sincerity at all. His face was quite blank.

Alfred had little time to contemplate that, as the professor plowed on endlessly with his lesson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Matthew had his first kiss, Alfred knew.

It was eighth grade, though they were still together for the most part, there were times when they were independent from one another--Alfred’s football practices and Matthew’s study group, as an example.

Alfred had been watching a cartoon when his brother walked into the room, looking as normal as ever. However, Alfred sensed something was different at once. It was the strange ‘twin thing’, as their mother, Marie, liked to call it fondly, and Alfred knew. He knew because his brother felt different, the atmosphere around him was different, his eyes were different, he was different.

Thirteen they were, and already they were nearly the height of their father, and it was due to this that when Alfred stood up, he bashed his head on the slanting ceiling--but he payed this matter no attention and bounded across the room, grinning widely.

“Mattie--got--kissed!”

“I--What?!” Matthew sputtered, and now Alfred knew for sure. He grabbed his brother by his arms and spun him around, grinning like crazy, before they both accidentally tripped and flopped down onto the couch together. Laughing, they sat up straight and Matthew looked to Alfred, his smile suddenly very sheepish.

“Who was it?” Alfred demanded, turning off the TV, because this matter was far, far more important and far, far more interesting than the adventure of the Twelfth Doctor, “Who, who?”

“Sara Whiskey,” Matthew said, before his face colored brightly, the precise shade of a cherry, “She--She approached me and--I didn’t know what to do! She kissed me! And I--I liked it!”

Alfred was grinning so wide that he felt like his lips would split as he jabbed his twin playfully in the stomach, giggling.

“Look at Mattie, already getting the babes!”

“It was just one girl, Al!” Matthew squeaked, covering his hands and looking like the complete and utter dork he was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kiku stared disdainfully at the contents of Alfred’s pantry--ramen and a single, lone bottle of ketchup and a half-finished bottle of Tabasco sauce.

“Why don’t you come to my dorm and we can eat something much better than this?” Kiku offered politely, beckoning towards Alfred’s pantry. Alfred hummed in agreement, in the mood for something delicious--which Kiku always managed to make.

Kiku’s dorm was much cleaner than Alfred’s--everything had a spot, everything was in order, and there were no discarded pizza boxes on the ground.

This, however, was just his side of the room.

Feliciano’s side of the room was very messy--plates of what seemed to be the remains of pasta (which Alfred could only tell because they were stained red from tomato sauce and there was the occasionally noodle here and there) were scattered everywhere, and his clothes were discarded messily on the floor. It was more Alfred’s style than Kiku or Ludwig’s side of the room--Ludwig’s side of the room seemed even cleaner than Kiku’s, if that was possible.

Kiku made something tasty in a matter of minutes--Alfred was soon scarfing it down as Kiku ate his more slowly.

When they were done, Kiku set down his plate and looked up at Alfred, intent clear in his eyes.

“Alfred...I wish to speak to you.”

But Alfred was already on his feet.

“I got business to do, Kiku!” Alfred said cheerfully as he grabbed his bag, “Thanks for the meal, yo! Delicious as always!”

He was out the door before Kiku could say anything else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

High school was actually much better than they had thought it would be.

With high school, they knew, came raging hormones and teenage angst and drama, lies and rumors and a race to popularity.

Alfred was glad to say that he and Matthew had thankfully managed to avoid most of the angst and drama, as they never really mixed well with the other students as they got older. With age, their closeness just got stronger and more emotionally dependable. The first time Alfred had sex, in the tenth grade, Matthew knew. The day Matthew was punched and tried concealing t behind his shirt, Alfred knew. They always knew.

They were two halves of the same person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(9:17) Blue boy is suspicious

(9:19) Costume girl sounds hot

(9:25) This Simon dude a hoe he be sleepin with Clary’s mom wtf

(9:26) Wait nvm

(9:28) Oh shit costume girl ded

(9:30) Dont do it Clary dont do it

(9:31) She did it

(9:34) Wait nvm blue boy is hella ded

(9:36) If Simon and Clary dont end up together I will be disappointed

(9:48) Ok I just imagine Luke looks like Lukas but older and w/glasses

(9:53) Man Jace is an asshole

(9:58) The mom is dead isnt she

(10:01) Yep shes dead

(10:07) Isabelle still sounds hot

(10:09) Idk why but for some reason Alec sounds gay

(10:14) This Hodge guy is suspicious I dont trust him

(10:18) Oh hey its Simon i missed that guy

(10:24) Wtf Luke. I TRUSTED you. How dare you.

(1:30) hey dude are you even there this book just got really intense

Alfred finally picked up his phone and scrolled through all the messages, his lips twitching in amusement as he read Matthias’s play-by-play of the current book Lukas had probably forced him to read. Adjusting glasses, he quickly typed a response, but before he could send it, Matthias’s ringtone was already filling the air.

“So I got a bad bitch mentality-”

Answering, Alfred brought his phone up to his ear and said cheerily,

“Hi!”

“Dude this book is so intense I can’t believe Lukas made me read this I get so emotional over this stuff,” Matthias rushed out, before taking a deep breath, and his usual cheery voice made its debut, “Hey, ‘Fred! How ya doin’?”

“Don’t call me Fred, dude. I’m okay,” Alfred answered, staring at the blank TV screen. Normally, Matthew’s favorite TV show would be playing right now.

“Oh, that’s great!” He could practically hear Matthias’s smile faltering on the other end of the line, “So uh...Lukas and I are coming into town this weekend.”

Normally, this news would have been an excitable thing for Alfred to hear, but he felt strangely hollow today. Snapping out of his trance, he returned to the conversation with quick answers and grins. When he finally hung up, he continued grinning and called Yong Soo, asking if he wanted to come play something.

While normally Yong Soo would have shouted “YES!” loudly in his ear, today he was met with an odd, tired voice that seemed strained as he said, “No, I don’t feel like it, Alfred.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In eleventh grade, it seemed like everything was going to hell.

Matthew never told Alfred, and Alfred never figured it out, and oh god, he was an awful person, a terrible brother, he didn’t even deserve to carry that title so proudly on his shoulders.

How could he have never known that Richard Bobs was bullying his twin daily? Verbally abusing the way that Matthew seemed to curve in on himself, the way Matthew talked. Physically abused him by sticking cigarettes in his twin’s skin and punching his stomach, and signs of damage could be so easily hidden.

How could Alfred had never figured it out? How come Matthew never told him?

They never kept anything from each other.

Ever.

This.

It felt like betrayal.

Sour things spiralled in his mind that night that had nothing to do with the fact that Alfred had just slashed Richard Bobs’s tires and set fire to his unguarded backpack, stomping out the ashes on the concrete. Sour thoughts that planted seeds in his mind.

What else has Matthew never told him? Alfred only found out about Richard Bobs when Matthew’s shirt sleeve had caught on something, making a fresh cigarette burn visible. He had questioned Matthew about it for hours, demanding hours, and in the end, amidst the burning anger he felt towards Richard Bobs, he felt…

Sick.

Did Matthew not trust him anymore? Did he do something wrong?

The next day went terribly. Bad things happened that day that Alfred didn’t tell Matthew about, kept them to himself, because he felt as if this were some payback because Matthew had never told him something so important, and it left him stewing in doubt.

Betrayal.

He never knew, never could tell something was wrong...Was Matthew waiting for Alfred to ask him about it? Expecting his twin to know of the abuse?

Nights were spent, lying awake, and his parents noticed that he seemed to be steadily getting worse.

“It’s okay, honey, you can tell us anything,” Marie said soothingly. Marie and Jack were odd. They let their children call them by their first names and gave them free reign of pretty much everything.

“Yeah, I’m sure we can help,” Jack said, and even standing next to his wife he was barely level with her shoulders and bright red hair.

Alfred didn’t answer them. Instead, he stormed off to his room and locked the door and didn’t let anybody come in.

Matthew pounded on the door that night, concern in his voice, evidently frightened that he had wronged his brother somehow, and asking if there was any way he could make up for it. Well into the night did Matthew keep pounding at that door, still talking until sobs made him hiccup and he couldn’t speak coherently anymore, afraid that Alfred hated him for whatever reason.

The next few months passed in the most horrible time of Alfred’s life. When it seemed that he and Matthew, were no longer a we, an us, a they, they were now a him and a him, separate, not together.

And it drove him crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred greeted Matthias happily at the coffee shop, Lukas already chatting with Natalia. Yong Soo was there too, buying coffee, and seemed to be in a considerably good mood, until he caught sight of Alfred. Turning his eyes away, the Korean rushed out of the coffee shop, not even responding to Alfred’s “hello!”

Matthias led Alfred over to a table, where they both caught up on everything they had missed in each other’s lives these past few months. Berwald was still a pain in his ass, Matthias said, but Lukas, being the best boyfriend ever, more than made up for it.

“He’s so nice, he doesn’t strangle me as much anymore!” Matthias said affectionately, and Alfred privately thought that he would never date anybody who’s former favorite hobby was strangling him with his own tie.

Lukas soon slid over, sitting next to Matthias and making quiet and small talk. Alfred and Lukas got along rather well, and there was something Lukas could do that the rest of Alfred’s friends seemed unable to do. Lukas held a certain power over him, though Alfred wasn’t sure why.

Lukas’s eyes never wavered from his own, and by the time night had fallen, he had said to Alfred in that monotone voice of his,

“I’ll be dropping by tomorrow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Secrets, secrets, secrets. Alfred didn’t tell Matthew any of them for those four months. He kept to himself, locked in the guest bedroom while Matthew sulked in their bedroom. It was the first time in years they had slept away from each other, and every time Alfred laid himself to sleep in the guest bedroom he felt as if he was killing his own family.

It was to his surprise that the guest bedroom door flew open and his twin marched in, looking livid.

“I can’t take it anymore!” He raged at Alfred, his normally calm attitude breaking, “You’re stupid! What’s the matter? What did I do wrong? Stop ignoring me, Al! Stop!”

And then, Alfred did the most manly thing he could’ve done in that situation.

He cried.

Cried and cried and cried and blubbered about the feelings of betrayal and secrets and that Matthew didn’t trust him anymore, and yes those thoughts were _stupid_ but he had been ignoring Matthew for too long now and he didn’t know how to start talking to him again and that every night it felt like he was going to sleep in Lucifer’s cage because he felt so, _so_ lonely without his other half of himself there.

Matthew listened, and when Alfred finished he too, cried, and then they both cried together, because Matthew hadn’t meant to make Alfred feel like this, and in the end, they spent hours telling one another every single thing they had never told each other before.

Jack and Marie were unsure of how their sons reunited and became a they and a we and an us again, but the delight on their faces was clear as day when their sons came downstairs for dinner, hand in hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, Alfred feels like throwing up because he just witness Ivan making out with Yong Soo’s cousin and that sure wasn’t a sight he had wanted to see that day.

He had turned in all his assignments, finally, and was walking across the campus when suddenly, a familiar and shorter figure stepped in front of him.

It took Alfred a moment to realize that Yong Soo looked terrible.

His eyes were puffy, bags beneath them, and he looked tired. His voice sounded strangely high and tired when he spoke to Alfred.

“We need to talk,” he said, and Alfred felt his shoulders sag, “about Matthew.”

“No, Soo-Soo, I’m good,” Alfred said, moving to get past his friend, but the Korean jumped in front of him again, blocking his way.

“No!” Yong Soo said fiercely, looking as livid as Matthew had been three years ago, “You’re sad and I know it but you’re being stupid about it and it’s not cool, da-ze! Not! Cool!”

“I’m fine,” Alfred stressed the word ‘fine’, for the first time in several days feeling true anger and frustration towards his friend, “I don’t need to talk anyone, okay, dude? I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Alfred managed to dart past Yong Soo, who spun around and screamed that Alfred was a dick idiot.

Alfred didn’t feel like dealing with whatever Yong Soo had wanted to say, but he still felt guilty all the same when Yong Soo buried his head in his hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Graduation had never been so appreciated until the twins were graduating themselves, looking into colleges together, the promise they had made one another nine years ago ringing in their ears.

Moving three states had seemed easy at first, but the twins realized the distance it was putting between them and their parents, and had spent as much time as they could with them.

“Honestly boys, I’m flattered you even considered us,” Marie joked as she tucked her long red hair under a woolly hat, “I thought the only people you two needed were each other.”

“Hey, we’re not forgetting the people who had to put up with us,” Matthew joked. They were the spitting images of their father--same face, blond hair, same build. They did, however, inherit their mother’s blue eyes (their father had brown) and her nose, which was very perky, much perkier than normal.

Alfred had just noticed these similarities as they were hugging each other goodbye, feeling as if he was leaving a piece of himself behind, but Matthew was right next to him, so what could he possibly be missing?

They shared the same classes, took the same major (art) and shared their dorm together, laughing, sharing meals, and doing everything together, at the hip, because they were a we, an us, a they, they were one being, a whole, and they were going to be so for the next few years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred desperately tried to clean his apartment as best as he could before Lukas had arrived. He always felt as if the Norwegian was silently judging him and his lifestyle whenever he came to visit, analyzing everything with those piercing x-ray eyes.

At seven precisely, Lukas knocked at his door and Alfred invited him inside, and Lukas took off his coat, setting down not on the empty bed opposite of Alfred’s, but in Alfred’s chair.

The empty bed was usually the first choice.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at each other, and Alfred realized that Lukas had let his hair grow a bit longer than usual, and that there were lines of a tattoo peeking just beneath his shirt, on his collarbone, when Lukas spoke.

“So...Alfred. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Alfred said, and it seemed like his usual excitable self was being sapped from him as he sat down on the empty bed, a feeling of lingering emptiness appearing as he did so.

Lukas looked at him with those eyes. Those eyes that were unlike any other--piercingly blue, and yet dull and devoid of life at the same time. Those eyes that seemed to make Alfred say anything, do anything, because for some reason Lukas reminded him of Arthur, but much more mysterious, and much more...Intimidating.

And then, the words spill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The car crash was nasty.

Seven cars, piled up and rolled together cruelly, as if a child had been playing with matchboxes and crumpled them up and tossed them aside.

There were about thirteen people altogether involved in the crash, with nine survivors.

Matthew, was not one of them.

Alfred remembered leaving Natalia’s coffee shop, where her sharp words had made him laugh, and he came into his dorm, and he intended to play video games all night with Yong Soo, who was waiting for him.

It was midnight and Matthew had not yet returned from work, but this was normal, as Matthew often stopped by his friend Lars’s house to crash if he was feeling too tired. Alfred didn’t bother checking his phone to see if this was true.

The next morning, Alfred knew something was wrong, because he had three missed calls from an unknown caller and none from Matthew.

He called the number back.

It was the local hospital, and they said his brother had been in a car crash and his number had been at the very top of Matthew’s contact list and that they were so, so very sorry but Matthew Jones-Williams did not survive the accident.

Alfred did not react. He did not cry. He did not do any of those things.

Matthew had died. He had come into this world, with Alfred, and left it, without him.

He had set down his phone, and realized, that for the first time, truly, in his life, from now on, forever, that he had become an I, a me, and a him, one half of a whole person who would never be the same anymore because now the other half was dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The words are not the only thing flowing as Alfred tells Lukas everything--he can’t see and his glasses have slipped down his nose and he’s buried his face into Lukas’s stomach because Lukas can make him say anything, admit to anything, because Lukas had been one of Matthew’s best friends and Lukas reminded him of Matthew.

Lukas himself is crying, though silently. His hands are stroking Alfred’s hair softly, a friendly gesture and a comforting motion, and the half cries into the boy his other half had been absolute best friends, and the half continues crying into the boy who has always been one whole because he did not have someone else that shared half his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred is sad the next few days. Upset, crying. He didn’t cry at matthew’s funeral, but he's crying now, and he’s ignoring all the messages his friends are sending, and now, the half is broken, because he is alone with himself, with him, with me, with I, with just him and only him now, always and forever.

When he returns to class, he is not feeling any better, but Yong Soo looks better, because he smiles and hugs Alfred when he sees that his eyes are red and he looks pale.

“I’m glad you’re finally dealing with it, da-ze,” Yong Soo said, and Alfred would never admit to this day that he had always had problems coping and admitting what was bothering him.

Natalia gives him a free coffee that day and Kiku bakes him a cake, and Lovino, showing an uncharacteristically strange amount of kindness makes him pasta. He goes to see Matthias and Lukas off, who are getting inside the car to drive fifty miles to their own place.

Matthias hugs Alfred, and the friends grin, and Alfred makes sure to hug Lukas extra hard, because for some reason Lukas can make himself admit to anything and Lukas has certainly helped things.

Waving them off, Alfred is still shedding tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He packs them up. Finally digs through his twins drawers, and packs them up. Packs his bed sheets and personal possessions into boxes, and stores them back at his parent’s house, in their old bedroom, on the bottom bunk, where Matthew used to sleep.

And the half sits on the top bunk, his old bunk, staring at a picture of him and his other half, and then he, himself, only he, falls asleep like that, thinking of the days when he was a we and an us and a they.


End file.
